Beware of Benevolent sexism: Chivalry is sexist

Benevolent sexism, often cloaked in seemingly polite “chivalry, is a subtle but powerful force that reinforces traditional gender hierarchies under the guise of protecting and valuing women.

Rather than promoting genuine equality, benevolent sexism relies on assumptions of female weakness and male authority, reinforcing traditional gender roles and thereby denying women autonomy and agency. Chivalry is sexist.

Benevolent sexism doesn’t stand alone; it exists in tandem with hostile sexism, creating a dynamic where any rejection of “kind” gestures can be met with anger or even punishment. Moreover, benevolent sexism can foster women’s economic dependency, limiting their financial independence and reinforcing patriarchal structures.

Understanding how benevolent and hostile sexism operate in tandem is crucial for recognising and dismantling these insidious attitudes.

What Is Benevolent Sexism?

Benevolent sexism refers to subjectively positive attitudes toward women that nonetheless reinforce women’s subordinate status by casting them as weak, pure, and in need of male protection. It is one half of the “ambivalent sexism” framework, paired with hostile sexism, and together they sustain gender inequality by rewarding conformity with gentleness and punishing deviation with hostility. Because it feels flattering, women and men alike often fail to recognize these attitudes as prejudiced, letting them slip by unchallenged.

Introduced by Glick and Fiske in the mid‑1990s, the Ambivalent Sexism Inventory distinguished benevolent from hostile sexism to capture how sexism can appear positive yet still uphold patriarchal norms. They identified three dimensions of benevolent sexism - protective paternalism, complementary gender differentiation, and heterosexual intimacy, which together prescribe traditional gender roles masked as kindness.

When Courtesy Becomes Control

At first glance, behaviours like holding doors or offering to pay on dates seem like universal politeness. In practice, however, such acts often hinge on the recipient’s gender: women receive “chivalrous” treatment denied to men and gender‑nonconforming individuals. This selective courtesy affirms the belief that women need men’s leadership and support, reinforcing unequal power dynamics under the veneer of generosity.

Rejecting benevolent sexist gestures can be perceived as an affront to men’s masculinity, prompting hostile backlash and social penalties against women who refuse to conform. Thus, benevolent sexism’s “warm” exterior and hostile sexism’s “cold” aggression work hand in hand to uphold patriarchal norms.

Benevolent sexism only extends to women who adhere to traditional femininity; those who reject gender norms or assert independence are excluded and may face hostile sexism as punishment. For example, a woman declining a man’s offer to open a door or pay can be perceived as stripping him of masculine authority, provoking hostile reactions.

Research across 19 countries found a strong correlation between benevolent and hostile sexism: societies scoring high on benevolent sexism also report greater gender inequality, lower female political participation, education, and economic outcomes, even when controlling for hostile sexism.

The Hidden Dangers of Benevolent Sexism

Benevolent and hostile sexism are interdependent: the former creates expectations of female dependence, while the latter enforces those expectations through aggression when they are violated. Studies show that societies high in benevolent sexism also exhibit elevated levels of hostile aggression toward women who challenge patriarchal norms.

Silencing Female Autonomy

By framing women as fragile and in need of guardianship, benevolent sexism undermines women’s confidence in their own competencies. Women who consistently experience dependency‑oriented support report lower self‑efficacy and reduced goal pursuit, internalising the belief that they cannot thrive without male assistance.

Economic Consequences: From “Gentle” Sexism to Financial Dependency

Benevolent sexism not only shapes interpersonal dynamics but also influences women’s financial behaviours. Research finds that women exposed to benevolent sexist attitudes take greater financial risks, driven by a desire to align with perceived male‑recommended economic decisions, which can heighten their vulnerability to financial instability. Over time, this dynamic can trap women in cycles of dependency, as they are socialised to defer to male guidance in money matters.

Recognising and Challenging Benevolent Sexism

Awareness of Gender‑Selective Courtesy

Notice when polite gestures are offered based on gender rather than personal needs. Question whether such actions genuinely serve the individual or uphold stereotyped roles.

Asserting Equal Autonomy

Practice expressing preferences regardless of traditional expectations (e.g., offering to split the bill) and frame these choices as mutually respectful rather than gendered obligations.

Educating Allies

Share research on the hidden costs of benevolent sexism with friends and family. Understanding the link between seemingly positive sexism and its harmful outcomes is key to cultural change.

Policy and Workplace Interventions

Advocate for workplace policies that promote genuine support such as equitable parental leave and vocalise against dependence‑oriented workplace “protectiveness” that can side-line women into less demanding roles.

Conclusion

Benevolent sexism, despite its polite façade, perpetuates rigid gender hierarchies by treating women as delicate charges rather than equal agents. Its inextricable link to hostile sexism means that rejecting prescribed gender roles can provoke punitive backlash, while its economic repercussions reinforce women’s dependency. By recognising and challenging both the overt and covert forms of sexism, starting with everyday chivalry, we can move toward genuine gender equity where kindness is truly gender‑blind.

May 2025